Monday, November 9, 2015

May I Ask Why?

Here it is almost a month until my thirty-sixth birthday. I’m halfway through my thirties. I really feel like I have nothing to show. My thirties are not where I thought they would be. I’ve gotten used to the fact I might never marry or have children. But, I would like to think the other part of my life would be happy. Which makes me wonder. They say God works in mysterious ways and I should trust in God. But why this life? Why did God put me on this path? Is there a reason for this? I should be happy about this life, right? It could be worse, but still. Why me? What does so and so have that I don’t? Is there something I’m doing wrong?

Most people who see me see me as this happy person, but inside I’m questioning myself and God. Love him of course, but I can’t help but question.

I really hope 2016 is a better year, otherwise. Bring on the forties and get me out of the thirties.

I’m sorry the last few posts have been depressing. I promise a happy one. I do have to post my sci fi nerd block box post. Which I will try to post tomorrow. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Ugly Duckling

I see him standing there with her. He laughs and teases her. For some reason, she doesn’t see it. Why can’t she see it? I’ll approach her like always and she’ll laugh it off. “Oh, it’s your imagination.”

Is it? When our group of friends go out. He’s always by her side. She could trip and he would be by her side in a second. If I trip, he’ll laugh and stand there.

Sure, I’m not pretty. I wouldn’t say I’m the ugly duckling. Although, if I recall in the end, the ugly duckling became a beautiful swan. Not sure I’ll be that lucky. Unless something happens to where I look like a whole different person after thirty some years. I’ve looked the same pretty much since I was in elementary school. Although, I guess maybe I have more wrinkles on my face? Getting back to the point, I see many women out there who have someone and they are average looking. Where did I go wrong?

Most of my friends, never have a problem. In fact, like right now. My crush will fall for one of them.

I can hear you now. Tell him how you feel. If it were only that easy. I’ve learned to never do that. I’ve never had success in doing so. Not one man has ever said, awesome. After I say something, it’s awkward between us.

This might sound depressing, but do you ever wonder. That’s life. Nothing will change. Even if I try, I feel as if it won’t change. I’m stuck in this loop. I’ve hit a dead end.

Monday, October 26, 2015


So if there is one thing I could definitely do to improve my writing, its to work on prayers and poems. I've never really been good at that. So, here is an attempt. 

Prayer...couldn't think of a title.

God, I trust in you in all that you do.
I know you have your reasons.
But, I do wonder.
Is there a reason for this life?
Every birthday, I think this year will be better.
Yes, we have our free will.
I always wonder though.
Do you give us two options?
Choose door one or choose door two.
Is it my fault that I chose the wrong door?
Maybe door one was the door I should have chosen.
Is it too late?
Again, I know to trust you, but I’m scared.
Scared of what’s to come.
So today, I ask.
Please be with me as I search for the door.
The door that will guide me in the direction I need to be.

Poem...also couldn't think of a title today...

Is he out there?
Have we crossed paths?
Did he go down the wrong path?
Maybe it was me who went down the wrong path.
Can I find him again?
Is it too late?
I wish I could picture him.
Maybe if I could, I could find him.
We could reconnect.
Enjoy our time on earth before we meet again in Heaven.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Loote Crate October Box

This month's Loote Crate. 
A Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure T-shirt. Awesome!!!

 Doc Brown's Funko Version. Love it!!!

Doctor Who theme. Probably wouldn't want to use it in the kitchen. Fun collectible though.

A mini Hoover Board Collectible. Another awesome one!!!

So it was a good month for Loote.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Nerd Block October's Box

This month's Nerd Block.

Alien theme. Part of the Vinyl Collection that is popular right now.
Simpsons theme and coaster. Could always use another coaster.

 Never have seen this show. It's on my list to watch. Who doesn't love Mad libs though?

 Not the best picture, but they are zombie hunter dog tags.

Love this shirt!!! It glows in dark and yup, I bet you can figure out what it turns into. If you don't. I recommend the movie.

 I was a huge fan of Jem. Not sure about this comic though.

Something Firefly next month!!!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

October Comic Con Box

 Here is this month's Comic Con in a Box.

The t-shirt of the month. You'll notice Nightmare Before Christmas, along with Joker and crew.

You had the chance to get a Nightmare Funko Mopeez. I was really hoping for Jack. Sally is cool though. 

Not sure what I'm going to do with a Zombie Mask. If anyone wants one, let me know.

 Batman key chain that lights up with the bat signal. Awesome!

Sharknado, I have a feeling this one will grow dust. Unless I'm in one of those weird moods?

They had a variety of action figures. Was hoping for Freddy, Jason, or Michael.

Love this painting. He will be missed.

 Interesting to see Animal mixed in with The Shining.

The comic of the month.

Advertisement for the new Supergirl show. Not sure yet if I want to see it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

What road do I take now?

Do you ever wonder why you are put on this earth? What are you meant to do while on Earth? Why did God put me here at this time?  Why not maybe fifty years ago? You are probably wondering why I’m thinking about this. I think it has to do with the fact that in less than two months, I’ll be thirty-six years old. I feel like I have nothing to show for my life. Never did I imagine I would be where I am today.

When I was little, I used to always imagine I would be a teacher. A lot of friends even in my elementary school days thought I would be a writer. To this day, I don’t know who wrote my six grade prediction. In this book, we each got another classmate and would have to tell their future. Mine was about me becoming a best-selling author. I would also work in the movies. Can I say that it still drives me crazy that I still don’t know who the person was? They even knew my parents first names, so they had to know me pretty well.

As I got older, being a teacher was still on my mind, but it was getting pushed aside little by little. Why? Not sure. I guess being a teenager, I had other things on my mind. In junior high; I was focused on band, being with friends, church here and there, and of course school. I also did a little theater. Not through school, but through a great performing arts center, which I still love supporting today. If I wasn’t doing any of the above, I wrote short stories or read in my free time. Plus, watch movies and television.

High school came along and unfortunately, I didn’t really focus on theater. Maybe it was because I was getting closer to graduation? Writing was put to the side. I tried to work on the school newspaper and even took a creative writing class. With life in the way, writing went to the bench on the sidelines.

College? That’s where I made my first mistake. Or, was it? Did God put me on the path of Kent State University and Computer Information Systems for a reason? To this day, I wonder what if I had maybe focused on my writing or even something to do with the media. Where would I be? I always pictured at some point in my life I would live in Maine somewhere around Acadia. Thinking about it right now, I wish I could go back and at least visit.

My time in college came to end. In those four and a half years, I did attempt to study newswriting. Again though, why did I change my mind and focus on the business aspect of Communications? Why did God decide for me to go down that path? That decision put me into a downward spiral to where I am now.

Yes, I have gotten back into writing, but I’m still not where I want to be. I did set a goal for by the time I’m forty. What is making me a little depressed though is once I hit thirty-six towards the end of December, I’ll be four years away from achieving my goal. Panic has set in. Is that enough time? What happens if I don’t make it? Do I make my goal for age fifty? What if I’m dead by that time? Okay, that last part is a little depressing, but when you think about it. You never know what tomorrow what will bring. Heck, will I still be around at forty?

I am doing my best to get there, but I keep hitting dead ends. I need to get through the maze and find the end. In the meantime, I know God works in mysterious ways and I just need to trust him.