Monday, November 9, 2015

May I Ask Why?

Here it is almost a month until my thirty-sixth birthday. I’m halfway through my thirties. I really feel like I have nothing to show. My thirties are not where I thought they would be. I’ve gotten used to the fact I might never marry or have children. But, I would like to think the other part of my life would be happy. Which makes me wonder. They say God works in mysterious ways and I should trust in God. But why this life? Why did God put me on this path? Is there a reason for this? I should be happy about this life, right? It could be worse, but still. Why me? What does so and so have that I don’t? Is there something I’m doing wrong?

Most people who see me see me as this happy person, but inside I’m questioning myself and God. Love him of course, but I can’t help but question.

I really hope 2016 is a better year, otherwise. Bring on the forties and get me out of the thirties.

I’m sorry the last few posts have been depressing. I promise a happy one. I do have to post my sci fi nerd block box post. Which I will try to post tomorrow. 

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Ugly Duckling

I see him standing there with her. He laughs and teases her. For some reason, she doesn’t see it. Why can’t she see it? I’ll approach her like always and she’ll laugh it off. “Oh, it’s your imagination.”

Is it? When our group of friends go out. He’s always by her side. She could trip and he would be by her side in a second. If I trip, he’ll laugh and stand there.

Sure, I’m not pretty. I wouldn’t say I’m the ugly duckling. Although, if I recall in the end, the ugly duckling became a beautiful swan. Not sure I’ll be that lucky. Unless something happens to where I look like a whole different person after thirty some years. I’ve looked the same pretty much since I was in elementary school. Although, I guess maybe I have more wrinkles on my face? Getting back to the point, I see many women out there who have someone and they are average looking. Where did I go wrong?

Most of my friends, never have a problem. In fact, like right now. My crush will fall for one of them.

I can hear you now. Tell him how you feel. If it were only that easy. I’ve learned to never do that. I’ve never had success in doing so. Not one man has ever said, awesome. After I say something, it’s awkward between us.

This might sound depressing, but do you ever wonder. That’s life. Nothing will change. Even if I try, I feel as if it won’t change. I’m stuck in this loop. I’ve hit a dead end.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Prayer/Poem

So if there is one thing I could definitely do to improve my writing, its to work on prayers and poems. I've never really been good at that. So, here is an attempt. 

Prayer...couldn't think of a title.

God, I trust in you in all that you do.
I know you have your reasons.
But, I do wonder.
Is there a reason for this life?
Every birthday, I think this year will be better.
Yes, we have our free will.
I always wonder though.
Do you give us two options?
Choose door one or choose door two.
Is it my fault that I chose the wrong door?
Maybe door one was the door I should have chosen.
Is it too late?
Again, I know to trust you, but I’m scared.
Scared of what’s to come.
So today, I ask.
Please be with me as I search for the door.
The door that will guide me in the direction I need to be.

Poem...also couldn't think of a title today...

 
Is he out there?
Have we crossed paths?
Did he go down the wrong path?
Maybe it was me who went down the wrong path.
Can I find him again?
Is it too late?
I wish I could picture him.
Maybe if I could, I could find him.
We could reconnect.
Enjoy our time on earth before we meet again in Heaven.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Loote Crate October Box


This month's Loote Crate. 
 
A Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure T-shirt. Awesome!!!

 Doc Brown's Funko Version. Love it!!!

Doctor Who theme. Probably wouldn't want to use it in the kitchen. Fun collectible though.

A mini Hoover Board Collectible. Another awesome one!!!

So it was a good month for Loote.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Nerd Block October's Box

This month's Nerd Block.

Alien theme. Part of the Vinyl Collection that is popular right now.
Simpsons theme and coaster. Could always use another coaster.

 Never have seen this show. It's on my list to watch. Who doesn't love Mad libs though?

 Not the best picture, but they are zombie hunter dog tags.

Love this shirt!!! It glows in dark and yup, I bet you can figure out what it turns into. If you don't. I recommend the movie.

 I was a huge fan of Jem. Not sure about this comic though.

Something Firefly next month!!!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2015

October Comic Con Box

 Here is this month's Comic Con in a Box.
 

The t-shirt of the month. You'll notice Nightmare Before Christmas, along with Joker and crew.

 
You had the chance to get a Nightmare Funko Mopeez. I was really hoping for Jack. Sally is cool though. 


Not sure what I'm going to do with a Zombie Mask. If anyone wants one, let me know.

 Batman key chain that lights up with the bat signal. Awesome!

Sharknado, I have a feeling this one will grow dust. Unless I'm in one of those weird moods?

They had a variety of action figures. Was hoping for Freddy, Jason, or Michael.

Love this painting. He will be missed.

 Interesting to see Animal mixed in with The Shining.

The comic of the month.

Advertisement for the new Supergirl show. Not sure yet if I want to see it.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

What road do I take now?

Do you ever wonder why you are put on this earth? What are you meant to do while on Earth? Why did God put me here at this time?  Why not maybe fifty years ago? You are probably wondering why I’m thinking about this. I think it has to do with the fact that in less than two months, I’ll be thirty-six years old. I feel like I have nothing to show for my life. Never did I imagine I would be where I am today.

When I was little, I used to always imagine I would be a teacher. A lot of friends even in my elementary school days thought I would be a writer. To this day, I don’t know who wrote my six grade prediction. In this book, we each got another classmate and would have to tell their future. Mine was about me becoming a best-selling author. I would also work in the movies. Can I say that it still drives me crazy that I still don’t know who the person was? They even knew my parents first names, so they had to know me pretty well.

As I got older, being a teacher was still on my mind, but it was getting pushed aside little by little. Why? Not sure. I guess being a teenager, I had other things on my mind. In junior high; I was focused on band, being with friends, church here and there, and of course school. I also did a little theater. Not through school, but through a great performing arts center, which I still love supporting today. If I wasn’t doing any of the above, I wrote short stories or read in my free time. Plus, watch movies and television.

High school came along and unfortunately, I didn’t really focus on theater. Maybe it was because I was getting closer to graduation? Writing was put to the side. I tried to work on the school newspaper and even took a creative writing class. With life in the way, writing went to the bench on the sidelines.

College? That’s where I made my first mistake. Or, was it? Did God put me on the path of Kent State University and Computer Information Systems for a reason? To this day, I wonder what if I had maybe focused on my writing or even something to do with the media. Where would I be? I always pictured at some point in my life I would live in Maine somewhere around Acadia. Thinking about it right now, I wish I could go back and at least visit.

My time in college came to end. In those four and a half years, I did attempt to study newswriting. Again though, why did I change my mind and focus on the business aspect of Communications? Why did God decide for me to go down that path? That decision put me into a downward spiral to where I am now.

Yes, I have gotten back into writing, but I’m still not where I want to be. I did set a goal for by the time I’m forty. What is making me a little depressed though is once I hit thirty-six towards the end of December, I’ll be four years away from achieving my goal. Panic has set in. Is that enough time? What happens if I don’t make it? Do I make my goal for age fifty? What if I’m dead by that time? Okay, that last part is a little depressing, but when you think about it. You never know what tomorrow what will bring. Heck, will I still be around at forty?

I am doing my best to get there, but I keep hitting dead ends. I need to get through the maze and find the end. In the meantime, I know God works in mysterious ways and I just need to trust him.

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Loote Box - September

This is late, I know. Here is what Loote sent out for September. I figured I better post this now before October's box comes.

First, we have a game we can do. Not sure if I will try it, but who knows maybe I will. It's free, so why not?

 
Next up, a Homer Simpson Golden Buddha. I actually like this one. I might be one of the only few who still love The Simpsons.




This next one came in the magazine that comes in the box. It's part of a Summon game. Not sure, if I'll play it. Again, you never know.



This one will be great for when I'm stressed. It's a Hearthstone Foam Stress Ball. I can add it to my ever growing stress ball collection. That sounds bad, doesn't it?



This one is my favorite. Hello, the Impala from Supernatural. Need I say more?



This month's Loote Button.

Alright, I got a new winter hat. I'm sure I'll still wear my Jayne hat, but this one is going to be fun. Who cares how old I am. As long as I stay warm, right?


This one is a Hearthstone Collectible Coin, plus a code for a game. Again, we shall see if I play the game.



So that is it for September. Can't wait to see what is next month, especially since it's Halloween month

Monday, September 7, 2015

Who Do You Love



I can’t believe I have to do this because I love Jennifer Weiner’s books, but this is the first one of hers I have to give three stars. At the beginning of the book, I was hooked. Without giving much away, I found I couldn’t stand the hero. I wouldn’t say, I hated him. I did like him at the beginning. Maybe if there had been more in the book or a sequel, I could learn to like him again. If you want to discuss his character more after you read him or want to be spoiled. You can find me on Facebook or Twitter.

So moving on…

We meet Rachel Blum and Andrew Landis at the age of eight in Florida while both visit the ER.  Andrew, aka Andy broke his arm. Rachel, has a heart condition. The two connect and leave an impression that will leave them remembering the other when they see each other again years later.

The two reconnect after all those years and start a relationship despite their differences. Rachel grows up in an upper-middle class family while Andy lives with his single mother. His single mother finds his clothing, second hand.

As time moves on, the two will see the differences but yet still find their way to each other. It’s a story of soulmates.
As I read the book I tried to remember that Andy was just human. Heck, Rachel did a few things that made me shake my head. Don’t worry you might still love Andy. I read reviews where people still did. So there is hope. I think it just depends on who you are. Like I said, if there had been more in the book or a sequel. I could have liked him again.

Another reason for three stars, would be the ending. I felt it was too rushed. I know the book had to come to an end, but I felt it could have had another chapter. 

This book won’t stop me from reading more of Weiner’s book. When her next book comes out, I’ll be at the library or bookstore buying the next one. 

*****
Want more information on the book? Click here.

Want more information on the author? Click here.

Did a video post also for the book. Click here.

Find me on Twitter.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Mr. Sandman....Please Bring Me Reality...

Sometimes I wonder where the idea, imagery, or even the people come from; when it comes to dreams. It's been said you dream of something you did that day. Maybe something on your mind? What I never could understand is where do the random things come from?

Lately I've had dreams of the same person. Someone I would never consider in the real world as a love interest. This person is a great guy, but we are different people. Sure, opposites attract, but I'm not sure our opposites would work out. Although, I guess you never know.

Because I've been dreaming of him, I can't stop thinking of him in real life. Before you say, I'm crushing on him. I'm not. Most likely because I know we'll never be. I think I realize this because I've gotten to the point that maybe just maybe I'm meant to be single. No, I'm not giving up on love. Not yet at least. I think a lot of it has to do with me knowing the signs. I see the same thing with all guys I've had crushes on. I know when someone has no interest in me.

That could be why I'm crushing on fictional guys more than I would right now with a real guy. No, I'm not one of those crazy people who think the fictional guys are real. But it's nice to imagine, hey if I had a guy like that? I could be happy. Again though, I'm not giving up on a guy. If one comes along and I feel something? Great.

So, my next question about dreams. If I think, oh this actor or character is hot. Why can't I dream about them? No, instead I dream of him. In the dream, we'll be friends, but I feel something. In other dreams, we're dating. I'm betting you're wondering how close we are in real life. Honestly, not that close. I see him from time to time, but not enough to where I could crush on him. I see his posts on Facebook. The posts don't make me want to have a crush on him though.

With my luck, since I'm blogging about him, I'll dream of him tonight. Maybe I could try to think of Mr. Darcy before bed. Hmm, which version of Darcy do I want to dream about?

I have thought about looking things up in a dream dictionary, but how accurate are those? Guardian angel maybe? Someone who is watching over me? Dreams have to mean something. Who knows, maybe somewhere deep down I'm thinking of him and I fight the feelings for him. So, I bury the feelings somewhere in my mind. Somehow a key unlocks the box and my thoughts are released in my dreams? Could it also be that my thoughts of him come out in my dreams because I know we'll never be?

I wish we could force our dreams so we don't have to dream of something that will never occur. Why can't dreams be like our reality? I know in reality, I have a ninety percent chance of growing old alone. Why can't my dreams face reality?

In the meantime, I guess I'll have to wake up and realize it was all a dream. When I see him again, we'll say hi and what's up. We'll move on with our lives soon after. I have to admit though,if I dream of him. I'm sure he doesn't dream of me, but what could he think of me? Do I pop into his head? Something he sees or does, could he think of me? I guess we'll never know.

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Reading, Watching, Listening...you name it

So this is just what I'm reading, watching, and maybe listening to at the moment.

For more information on the books, movies, TV shows, and so on. Feel free to click on the titles.

Right now, I'm reading:
The Dovekeepers by Alice Hoffman
Insurgent by Veronica Roth
Confessions of a Prairie Bitch by Alison Arngrim
Go Set A Watchman by Harper Lee

Bought:
The 4 A.M. Breakthrough by Brian Kiteley

Book Club Books:
Z for Zelda by Theresa Anne Fowler
I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai

Audiobooks:
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon and narrated by Davina Porter

Music:
The Fellowship of the Rings Soundtrack
Jurassic Park soundtrack
Joss Stone's Water For Your Soul 

TV SHOWS:
Full House Season One
New Girl Season Three
Supernatural Season Three
Once Upon a Time Season Two 

Movies:
Sense and Sensibility (1981)

Books from the library:
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me by Mindy Kaling
33 Great Writers on Why We Read Jane Austen edited by Susannah Carson
UnSweetined by Jodie Sweetin
Dancing Through Life by Candace Cameron Bure
Reshaping it All by Candace Cameron Bure
Shadow Kiss by Richelle Mead
The Real Wizard of Oz by Rebecca Loncraine
All Roads Lead to Austen by Amy Elizabeth Smith
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

****
I also posted a video.

Monday, August 17, 2015

To Socialize or not to Socialize...that is the question

So I'm feeling good right now. Why, you ask? I had a writing weekend. I managed to only go onto Facebook and Twitter once over the weekend and that wasn't until Sunday evening. Better yet, I was able to get off both sites in a timely fashion. I just hope I can keep it up. We shall see.

I just hope as I back away from Facebook and Twitter, people will still keep in contact. Remember life before Facebook and Twitter? You would call people or email. Heck, we had AOL instant messenger. It's bad enough, I feel out of touch with so many people because if you don't catch their post? Oh well, you'll never know their exciting news. It's also sad because I have friends on Facebook who I was close with, but now? Yea, I'll see a post from them, but half the time it's a game post or some type of quiz.

You have to love the friends who seem surprised when you say something like, "Cool, I didn't know." They get annoyed with you because apparently they posted the great news on Facebook like two weeks ago. I have many, many friends on Facebook and Twitter. Unless, we are super close these days. Unfortunately, I'm not going to see it. Heck, sometimes its hard to keep up with family.

Do you ever feel guilty about missing a friends great news? Or, do you want to be like me and think...oh well. Maybe you should have said something by, I don't know email? I don't like talking on the phone, but there is great thing called text messaging.

Thoughts? How do you handle friends who get annoyed when you don't keep up with their life?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Not It

No matter how hard you try and feel like that person is the one. It never works out the way you plan. What makes matters worse? The fact that person goes for your friend. I've noticed a pattern in my life. About 90% of the guys I have ever liked, liked a friend. It makes me wonder what the heck is going on. This has been going on at least since high school. When and why did this start in high school? Doesn't it stop somewhere?

We'll call the latest guy crush, Fred. We'll call my friend, Vickie. Vickie shows no interest in Fred, but Fred seems to think otherwise. He is always flirting with her, texting her, or even walking side by side. Okay, I just realized I sound like I'm in high school. So before I start sounding like I'm in high school. We'll just say, Fred treats me as a friend.

There have been times I have wondered. I flirted and he flirted back. As soon as Vickie walks in the room though, I'm the invisible woman. Too bad, I don't have super powers. Oh the things I could do.

If we're out to dinner, I sit there and play with my food. If we're just hanging out, I zone out. The third wheel emotion comes into play.

There have been nights I come home and want to do this. 

Have I talked to Vickie about it? Nope, and probably won't. As always they'll feel guilty and try to encourage the guy in my direction, but we know how that goes.  Besides, I'll get the speech. Oh Robyn, you are a great person. He's stupid not to like you. I'm sure you've heard that at some point in your life.

I keep telling myself to move on. Think of someone else and not him. But darn it, until another guy comes along or I come to my senses, I can't stop thinking about him.

Now that I've played the clip of Bridget Jones, I want to watch the movie.
 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Here We Go Again

So here I am again tempting to write a blog. I’m hoping this is it. I will do my best to write more. Part of the problem is I hit a bump in the road. I’ve become lazy with my writing, reading, TV, and movies. I need to fix that. I know what part of the problem is, but due to the Internet being public. Yea, we won’t go into it. We’ll just say it has made me less motivated and lazy. I’m trying to fix that. I decided I need to find the light at the end of tunnel. It has to be there. Right? I’ll find the light at the end of the tunnel, but I’m hoping it’s not the last one.

There has to be a few more in my life. I have come across them. The last one though was maybe five years ago. Now though that I think about it, I’m not sure it was a light at the end. That’s when things started to go downhill. Well, I need to change that. Time to get up the hill again. This is short, yes. But this is me attempting to get myself blogging again. 

So, today’s questions for you. Do you need motivation? Do you need to find the light at the end of the tunnel? Comment below, let’s talk.