Wednesday, October 14, 2015

What road do I take now?

Do you ever wonder why you are put on this earth? What are you meant to do while on Earth? Why did God put me here at this time?  Why not maybe fifty years ago? You are probably wondering why I’m thinking about this. I think it has to do with the fact that in less than two months, I’ll be thirty-six years old. I feel like I have nothing to show for my life. Never did I imagine I would be where I am today.

When I was little, I used to always imagine I would be a teacher. A lot of friends even in my elementary school days thought I would be a writer. To this day, I don’t know who wrote my six grade prediction. In this book, we each got another classmate and would have to tell their future. Mine was about me becoming a best-selling author. I would also work in the movies. Can I say that it still drives me crazy that I still don’t know who the person was? They even knew my parents first names, so they had to know me pretty well.

As I got older, being a teacher was still on my mind, but it was getting pushed aside little by little. Why? Not sure. I guess being a teenager, I had other things on my mind. In junior high; I was focused on band, being with friends, church here and there, and of course school. I also did a little theater. Not through school, but through a great performing arts center, which I still love supporting today. If I wasn’t doing any of the above, I wrote short stories or read in my free time. Plus, watch movies and television.

High school came along and unfortunately, I didn’t really focus on theater. Maybe it was because I was getting closer to graduation? Writing was put to the side. I tried to work on the school newspaper and even took a creative writing class. With life in the way, writing went to the bench on the sidelines.

College? That’s where I made my first mistake. Or, was it? Did God put me on the path of Kent State University and Computer Information Systems for a reason? To this day, I wonder what if I had maybe focused on my writing or even something to do with the media. Where would I be? I always pictured at some point in my life I would live in Maine somewhere around Acadia. Thinking about it right now, I wish I could go back and at least visit.

My time in college came to end. In those four and a half years, I did attempt to study newswriting. Again though, why did I change my mind and focus on the business aspect of Communications? Why did God decide for me to go down that path? That decision put me into a downward spiral to where I am now.

Yes, I have gotten back into writing, but I’m still not where I want to be. I did set a goal for by the time I’m forty. What is making me a little depressed though is once I hit thirty-six towards the end of December, I’ll be four years away from achieving my goal. Panic has set in. Is that enough time? What happens if I don’t make it? Do I make my goal for age fifty? What if I’m dead by that time? Okay, that last part is a little depressing, but when you think about it. You never know what tomorrow what will bring. Heck, will I still be around at forty?

I am doing my best to get there, but I keep hitting dead ends. I need to get through the maze and find the end. In the meantime, I know God works in mysterious ways and I just need to trust him.

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