People always say that you have a soulmate. There is someone for everyone. My question to those people are, “are you nuts?”
If that was so, why is it taking thirty-six years to find mine? Did he get lost in limbo? Maybe I past him by and didn’t even see him.
When I was younger I used to dream of a guy with black hair. I never knew his name. I couldn’t even tell you what his facial features were at this point. There is just one thing that stands out after all these years. The black hair. It wasn’t quite a buzz cut, but it wasn’t long enough to run your fingers through. As a teenager or even in my early twenties, I thought maybe he was my soulmate. I would find him. Yes, I admit it. When I was in college, I couldn’t help but wonder about the guys with black hair. Never did I crush though on a guy with black hair. There was a blonde and a brunette. That was it and none of those guys were my soulmate. I can tell you that much. As my twenties started to disappear. So did the black hair guy. Never had a dream of him ever again. I think the last dream of him was maybe at the age of twenty-three. Maybe? Out of nowhere lately though, I’ve thought of him. I wish I could remember what he looked like. Again, all that stands out is the black hair.
When I did dream about him. I did pray to God and ask him about the guy. Was it wrong that I tried to get some information from God? He knows my story. He knows where it begun. Where it’s going and where it will end. So okay, I asked God for spoilers.
God never did answer that question. Maybe he’s keeping me in suspense. Or, he knows that the black hair guy was just my imagination. A guy I made up.
So that brings me to my next question. Where is my soulmate? Why has it been this long? I would like to think I’m going to live to the age of 100. But, what if I don’t? What if I end up leaving this earth before I’m fifty? That gives me what, maybe fifteen years to finally find love?
So that’s brings the final question to the other people. Are they nuts? Do you ever notice the people who say, “Oh he’s out there somewhere.” They would be the people in love already. They don’t have to question God. They don’t need to keep asking God, why. Wonder if they did something wrong or if God was punishing them.
I keep telling myself to stay positive. To trust in him. There has to be a reason. Sure, I would love to find my Mr. Darcy tomorrow. But, in the meantime? I know it’s hard and I fear that God will judge me. But, I just need to keep reminding myself. That yes, maybe soulmates do exist. Even if I do find him, not worry about the future. Stay in the moment.